I have had my fair share of relationships with men over the years. Looking back I cannot say I have had many boyfriends though. When I was younger the title of boyfriend was more easily given and all participants knew their roles. However, as I have continued dating into adulthood that title has fallen to the wayside and the lines of boyfriend, homey, lover, friend have been blurred. It has been my experience that men do not want to be given or give the title of boyfriend/girlfriend. All of a sudden that title is too much of a commitment for them. It comes with too much responsibility. The idea of a man participating in a responsible relationship is taboo. They want to establish a relationship with you where they can spend time with you when they feel like it, sleep with you, allow you to play the role of ?girlfriend,? but the emotional attachment is too much for them to handle and God forbid they allow themselves to fall in love. They essential want their cake and eat it too without having to purchase the ingredients or contribute to the mixing and baking the cake. ?All relationships are a responsibility and as a man when deciding to ?date? a woman he should be responsible for her heart no matter what his intentions are. If you do not want a relationship make that known up front. Don?t sleep with her when you know there is potential for her to fall in love with you. It seems that most men think in the moment and the consequences that come with sleeping with her are not a concern. Men see a pretty face and a fat butt and forget that she might be crazy or have father issues or trust issues and go ahead and sleep with her only to add more gas to the fire or hurt to the already broken heart.
I have played my role in allowing these faux relationships to carry on longer than they should and ended up on the short end of the stick. I stuck around way too long in the hopes of him one day waking up to realize what a good woman he had in me. I stuck around to show him I could be there to grind it out in the trenches with him and hold him down when things got rough. I wanted him to see that I was the ride or die chick and could love him more than he thought possible, but eventually I tired of the games and noncommitment and moved on. Many times I questioned myself trying to figure out what it was about me that he didn?t want to commit to or what didn?t I do enough of to show that I was worthy? Over and over after every failed relationship those questions popped into my head and the answer always came back the same??There is nothing wrong with me. It?s not me, it?s him.? His loss. He was not worthy. He is not the man God has destined for me. So I brush myself off and try again. However, my faux relationships have not been a complete waste of time. I actually value the lessons I have learned from them. I should thank the men who have left me because it was the experiences I shared with them that has prepared me to be the wonderful woman I am for the man that I?m supposed to be with. With one man I learned what it is like to truly love someone in sickness and in health. I learned how to be supportive and uplifting when times get hard. With another man I learned how to be a better friend and have patience. With another I?ve learned about how to cater to a man and take care of home. The biggest and most valuable thing I have learned from them is what I do not want in man. I don?t want a man that is not appreciative of me and my heart. I do not want a man that is unsure, withdrawn, afraid of love, who cheats, lies or omits the truth, plays games, absent, inconsiderate, abusive, or takes advantage of me. Thank you gentlemen for being less than what I needed at the time.
Now I am faced with a new challenge. What do you do when the man you have been praying to God to prepare you for finally shows up? He is attractive, funny, sweet, attentive, supportive, caring, strong, employed, close to his family, wants to get married and have kids, loving, honest, can hold a conversation, thoughtful, kind, etc?everything you have prayed for and now you are scared to death of him. All the previous faux relationships have been so difficult and such a struggle to even establish something serious that you believe that is how all relationships are supposed to work, but he comes along and makes it seem like simple arithmetic. There are no games, no miscommunication, no suspect behavior and no misleading words or actions. How do I allow myself to let these walls come down and trust him when I have spent so many years building them up to protect my most precious asset? How do I not punish him or put on him the bull I have endured before him due to my experiences? I am terrified of messing this new relationship up because I am slow to open up and let him in due to the encounters of my past. In my mind a relationship is supposed to be hard and challenging and a fight to get together and be together. There is supposed to be some kind of drama or unresolved issues that hold up back, but when he makes it seem so easy I tense up. I get anxiety and start to look for something, anything that will make it wrong or hard. My past is trying to mess up my future, but I won?t let it. I have to continue to pray and allow myself to be loved. Love is a gamble, but you have to bet on the right person. I clearly have not been a big winner in the game of love and have crapped out a lot, but I have the dice in my hand now and I am rolling them. Stepping out of faith and going with the flow. No over thinking or over analyzing. ?7!!
Source: http://www.tamikalanelle.com/2012/09/faux-relationships-new-relationship.html
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